A Primer for General Public Awareness
What is Abuse-By-Proxy?
Most of the general public think of Munchhausen's (Abuse-By-Proxy) when they hear this term. It's one form it can emerge in, but it's not the specific form we'll be dealing with in this post. Certainly, Munchhausen's clearly demonstrates the two central ingredients for Abuse-By-Proxy: (a) Betrayal and (b) On-going deciept central to an unfolding process.
I like to offer the movie Rosemary's Baby (1968) as a concrete example of this conscious process [1]. In this instance, Abuse-By-Proxy emerges in an intact relationship, in which the husband (via his engagement with neighbors), is slowly embedding his soon-to-be pregnant wife in the world of satanism. She has no clue this has been going on over a 10-month period. Once she comes to understand the horror of what has really been happening to her, she turns for help to another obstetrician, who ends up not believing her, and returns her to the care of her husband and involved third parties. Sam Vaknin describes Abuse-By-Proxy as an "insidious process" --- working in the background like a cancerous tumor --- unknown to the targeted victim, until the intended consequences are manifested [2].
Women who are dealing with domestic violence and abuse issues that progress to custodial issues in family court arenas become embedded in similar on-going circumstances in real life, just like Rosemary. Just like Rosemary, the experiences they have endured first-hand while protecting their children from further harm at the hands of an abusive parent --- they are not believed. In too many instances across the nation, children's own narratives of sexual abuse are judicially ignored. The very institutional systems publicly empowered to protect both them and their children in the face of these circumstances, become used as "tools" by the offending party for one thing and one thing only --- a personal agenda that has no relational connection to precepts of "best interests of children" [3]. This is where, I believe, COMMON SENSE AND RESOLVING CUSTODY ISSUES needs to be considered judicially. When this RELATIONAL CONNECTION to precepts of "best interests of children" is absolutely absent as evidenced by legal strategies employed by the offending party, we need to be able to recognize this for what it is, so we can stop its progression to adverse outcomes in judicially rendering a custody determination that in both the short and long run ultimately fails miserably in its own stated purpose --- "best interests of the child".
Simply put at the most general level of description, Abuse-By-Proxy is the use of third parties to do another person's "dirty work", with grounded intentions of deliberate destabilization of a targeted individual's life, for the sole purpose of maintaining control. For the targeted person in this situation, no area of their life is "off limits" to this intentionally destructive strategy, which can be found fueling contested custody issues in family courts across the nation [4]. In many instances of domestic violence and abuse that end up as contested custody issues, an abusive soon-to-be ex will execute Abuse-By-Proxy game play, for the sole purpose of maintaining control of the situation, the victim, their family life, and consequently any formal legal action(s) that result. They WILL COVERTLY USE ANY AND ALL available means to have linkages into your personal life via social/personal/professional connections, as this is essential for successful execution of Abuse-By-Proxy processes. Social media platforms, such as Facebook and LinkedIn, provide fertile grounds for cultivation of these connections, based on affinity fraud (a person pretending to be somebody/something they are not and making contact with you for specific purposes/intents of your abusive ex). Ultimately, what intentionally transpires are dishonest communications, as Abuse-By-Proxy primarily is a dance of deceit.
The first goal of Abuse-By-Proxy is to get the "targeted individual" locked into a "legal definition" (through the use of third party assistance) that eventually becomes front and center in terms of custodial issues. The prestaging events for this generally will include fraudulent engagement of child protective services (for example having co-opted neighbors phone in phony child welfare complaints) via filing false reports; filing false reports with law enforcement, and/or perjury for the sole purpose of obtaining a restraining order and/or mental health definition (through all of these same processes). An abusive ex can be very creative in using your current social circumstances to what ever advantage is presented. This includes using third parties within your immediate environment (such as neighbors) and unleashing viscious rumor spreading, typically casting custody issues in their own favorable light, despite significant domestic violence and abuse issues that are not evident to others in that milieu. After all, domestic violence and abuse remains to this day the most under-reported crime in America [5].
Once the first goal of Abuse-By-Proxy is achieved and "legally documented" (albeit totally on a deceitful/perjured basis), the abuser and supporters then build their case further upon this initial deceit perpetrated upon all the state-empowered agents who become involved in the unfolding legal-fraud process. This is the initial goal of Abuse-By-Proxy game play. Once this initial coup d'tat is accomplished --- and that is what it is in a literal sense because of the fraud the initial action was based on --- three objectives are attained by the "abuser": (1) Legal sanctification for their standing; (2) Complete obscuration of the fact that the targeted victims Constitutional and Civil Rights were initially violated by the "abuser" in coming to this "legal victory" (as the justice system has been engaged on the basis of fraud), and (3) Complete burying of the fact that there was VIOLATIVE BEHAVIOR (rule-breaking conduct) ON THE PART OF THE ABUSER. Consequently, they are never held accountable for their actions and they continue to abuse --- if not the mom directly, then it will be the children and eventually the mom through the children. As such, from where I stand, this is where CIVIL GOES CRIMINAL --- as Abuse-By-Proxy is in its very essence conspiracy --- with the grounded intention to defraud a civil legal process [6].
Abuse-By-Proxy is a psycho-social dynamic process that can be depended upon to render specific outcomes; most notably, the severance of any healthy emotional bonds the targeted victim may have in their immediate social environment. While recognized as a destructive and corruptive process in custody and divorce issues, it should also be noted that Abuse-By-Proxy, as a social-engaging technique, is relied upon by human traffickers as they lure, ensnare, and trap their cargo. No individual act of human trafficking can be successfully accomplished, without executing an Abuse-By-Proxy process. This is an important point for the following reason --- it demonstrates the utility of this process for the outcome(s) that are rendered --- i.e., complete severance of any healthy emotional bonds the targeted victim has access to, including impacting the children embedded in corrupted custody processes in the same way in terms of their emotional bonds with the targeted parent. These results are obtained directly from the nature of Abuse-By-Proxy: (a) Betrayal and (b) On-going deceit, from which magnified emotional damages emerge over time. These in turn have their own erosive effects upon the mental health of each individual impacted, eventually being used to the abuser's legal advantage in terms of getting a legal "mental health definition" and furthering that through court-ordered evaluations with respective outcomes that result from same. Batterer's who successfully engage Abuse-By-Proxy to drive legal strategies in custody issues (which is essentially legal fraud, as discussed above) eventually acquire "sole custody status", maintaining maximum psyche-damage control and reaping legally beneficial outcomes from its known on-going mental health effects upon the impacted victims, both mothers and children. Extreme cruelty permeates resultant actions, in many instances sadomasochistically imbued. Over time this unhealthy emotional dynamic acquires sanctification/legitimization via family court by Abuse-By-Proxy processes literally driving legal strategies of the abusive parent.
When Abuse-By-Proxy process is initiated and gains momentum, it obfuscates pre-existing rule violating conduct of the initial perpetrator(s), extending to violations of codified law in terms of Civil and Constitutional Rights [7]. It's why it's the batterer's preferred technique in custody issues that arise from the presence of domestic violence and abuse within the home --- successful execution of Abuse-By-Proxy renders the batterer removed from accountability for his pre-existing violative actions (rule breaking conduct), while simultaneously placing the targeted victim in what can be extremely unfavorable circumstances in terms of custodial issues, through deliberately orchestrated events with the aid of third parties.
Most women who have endured Abuse-By-Proxy within contested custodial issues have no idea what is happening to them (just like Rosemary, because of its covert nature) --- they only know every aspect of their lives starts to slowly crumble, with devastating life-long consequences --- all because they tried to protect their children. Successful Abuse-By-Proxy processes that end up driving legal strategy in family court ultimately blind judicial reasoning (it's why they are used), as the issue(s) that present have arisen from deliberately orchestrated and engineered events on the part of the batterer, whose sole purpose throughout is destabilization of a targeted person's life, in order to remain in power and control over them and legal outcomes. The means used to achieve the ends costs us all in terms of scarce available public resources for human services (CPS); law enforcement; court and adjunct services that support family court operations. It is here where "private issues" (of custody/divorce) become "public concerns", as public resources are squandered on the batterer's personal legal agenda, which is to maintain a position of absolute control, despite known negative outcomes, and the severe negative effects this personal agenda has on quality of life issues for impacted parties, including the children. It ends up costing all of society in more ways in terms of life-long consequences imposed upon the children these scenarios directly impact.
The above personal observations come from direct experience as a victim of Abuse-By-Proxy over a 17-year-period. My experiences offer a unique perspective, as they were the direct result of being victimized by the original attorney I retained to represent me in a custody issue that had severe domestic violence and abuse issues at its core. My personal history in this regard highlights the "corruption component" that replicates via the actions of corrupt attorneys who literally run their legal practices grounded in Abuse-By-Proxy protocols. In other words, an expert at the game of stacking cards in custody and divorce issues when severe domestic violence and abuse issues are central to the case --- including, but not limited to overt acts of legal fraud, fraud paper filings, and digital record tampering. His ability to successfully accomplish these heinous white collar crimes is directly related to the dysfunctional status of the judiciary in the state of Nevada and its documented history in terms of corruption dating back for over a decade. Succinctly summarizing the form corruption took in the infamous and on-going Housing Board Fraud Game in Clark County Nevada: Attorneys become involved in specific issues and covertly create more issues that require their services for resolution (racketeering), just like in the circle game of court referrals that gets kicked into motion via Abuse-By-Proxy driving legal strategies in custody issues. In the history of my case, it was nothing short of a conspiracy to defraud custodial rights that was an on-going process over a 17-year-period [8].
In my next post, drawing upon the multiple events that comprise my experience with Abuse-By-Proxy and offering these as exemplars, I'll be covering the red flags that signal it is actively in process in your custody situation via the direct use of third parties, and the many forms this can assume. Not surprisingly, many of the hallmarks of Abuse-By-Proxy as it emerges in a social situation subtly assume the same form as patterned battering behavior: (a) Violation of personal boundaries; (b) Instigation of conflict having no rational basis; (c) Continual re-casting of the original conflict so that you ultimately end up being blamed for it; (d) Purposeful distortion of communication. Additionally, I'll be covering strategies to avoid in negotiating custody with your ex, if you are a woman getting out of a domestic violence and abuse situation and are forced to deal with family court for protection, in light of batterer's court strategies directly known to me through these same experiences. You will see how each of these strategies fits with what has been presented in the current posting. Put a yellow sticky note to your head continually reminding yourself: Batterers will NEVER PLAY FAIR. Was he fair in your relational dealings while you were together? No --- what makes you think he's going to play fair in the family court arena? I know. Been there --- done that --- bought the T-shirt and still wear it to this day, having been bankrupted three times by the process, by pros in Abuse-By-Proxy execution for purposes of custodial interference.
REFERENCES
[1] Rosemary's Baby (film 1968) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosemary
[2] Sam Vaknin: On - Abuse By Proxy - http://bit.ly/1iFits0
On - Gaslighting http://bit.ly/HoHk7X
On - Ambient Abuse and Gaslighting http://bit.ly/18QlxvZ
On- Narcissist in Court and Litigation http://bit.ly/1glk0Xq
On - No Custody - No Children http://bit.ly/1hFoTK8
[3] Barry Goldstein Time's Up Blog: (May 2013) Being a Hero Like Mickey Mantel http://bit.ly/1aVGXe1
(Sept 2013) The Broken Custody Court System: Is there Reason for Hope? http://bit.ly/1dFFqLs
Keith Harmon Snow (May 2012): A Life Sentence http://bit.ly/1hboNMt
Jerome Elam (March 2013) : Immunity for Guardian Ad Litem Destroys Connecticut Family http://bit.ly/HoX4HP
Connecticut Family Court Corruption (May 2013): http://bit.ly/17kHolw
Conn. Task Force Reviewing High Legal Costs of Child Custody Cases Amid Complaints (10/26/13) http://bit.ly/1aVgwal
Efforts to silence the Save Mila In Maine Campaign (Jan 2013) ~ DOING ABUSE-BY-PROXY PUBLICLY WITHOUT SHAME http://bit.ly/19aEVbe
Propegated on a State-Wide-Basis - South Dakota - The situation of Foster Care/Sexual Exploitation of Children in Native Communities - The Mette Foster Care Case Lakota People's Law Project (2013) http://bit.ly/1757pSO
[4] Sarah Tyrrell admits to stalking and instrumental in having Lori Handrahan fired (March 2013) http://bit.ly/1fpcPx1
Efforts to silence the Save Mila in Maine Campaign Doing Abuse- By-Proxy without Public Shame (Jan 2013) http://bit.ly/19aEVbe
[5] Safe Horizons: Domestic Violence - Statistics and Facts (2013) http://bit.ly/1iFEtTU
[6] JonathanTurley.org/By Guest Blogger Charlton Stanley (May 2013): From DSM-I to DSM-5 in the Legal System: Mental Illness Issues in the Courtroom http://bit.ly/1glyirj
New York Times (May 07, 2013): Psychiatry’s Guide Is Out of Touch With Science, Experts Say http://nyti.ms/HvzTMy
Boston.com by Claudia M Gold (May 8, 2013): DSM, NIMH on mental illness: both miss relational, historical context of being human. http://bo.st/1a1CiZ1
The Custody Scam: Dominique Buccafurri Goes To Washington (May 2013) http://bit.ly/19rJjTt
Bancroft, L., Silverman, J. G., & Ritchie, D. (2012). The batterer as incest perpetrator: Lundy Bancroft and Margaret Miller. In SAGE Series on Violence Against Women: The batterer as parent: Addressing the impact of domestic violence on family dynamics. (2nd ed., pp. 107-123). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.4135/978145224
[7] Las Vegas Tribune: Federal Judge Slams Door Shut on a Mother’s Attempt to Seek Redress by Perly Viasmensky (May 29, 2013) http://bit.ly/1anFTQI
[8] HawkEyeAndAllies.BlogSpot.com (June 06, 2013): A CASE OF CORRUPTED CUSTODY COMBO ~ CLARK COUNTY NEVADA: Lawyer from Hell - Devil for a Judge - & - A Justice System in Purgatory http://bit.ly/18db00D
HawkEye on Facebook Status Post (Oct 31, 2013) http://on.fb.me/1hG4iW9
